omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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