I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
