Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
