I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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