I puked a lego.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
