I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
