im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize