OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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