If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
