I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
