I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My balls are so social today.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
