Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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