Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
