im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
