Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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