pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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