....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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