He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
