I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Watching her eat just hurts me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
