I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
