Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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