the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
