i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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