Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
