he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
