When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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