I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
