Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want to make a zoo with you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
