i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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