totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
