I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
