About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
