I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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