bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
