Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate all girls vehemently.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
