It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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