New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize