I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
