My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
