at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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