So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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