my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
