So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
