i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
