I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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