the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
