you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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