I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
