Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
