I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
