You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
