You work out of a Hotel?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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