fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my liver is dry heaving
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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