Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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