im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
