Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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