So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
