I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
