i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
