Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
