Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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