Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
