how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
