First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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