Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
