The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We're too hungover to prance.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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