So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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