You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
