You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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