Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize